Flori-duh! The Receptacle Tip

'Mrs. Jesus' arrested at car dealership, charged with fraud.

2009-08-14T08:05:00.000-07:00

Wow. The economy must really be bad if even Mrs. Emma Christ (come on, you knew JC's wife's name was Emma, right??) is trying to fence bad checks.

'Mrs. Jesus' arrested at car dealership, charged with fraud.

I like the quote: "And where was her husband in all this? She said Jesus Christ would return next week to sign the paperwork and pick up the car."

Jesus is coming back...and he's going to be signing the paperwork for his $70k Pontiac.

Porn stars make the best neighbors

2009-07-30T10:50:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been a while so I thought I would add a post that hits close to home. Well, close to my friend Jon's home. You see, Jon has a this sorta famous neighbor. Her stage name is Stormy Daniels. And apparently, her husband was holding the keys to her car over his head so she couldn't reach them, and she "accidentally" punched him in the face several times. Anyhow, she goes down on domestic battery...I sincerely hope it doesn't ruin her chances for running for US Senate in 2010.

Porn star and would-be Louisiana politician busted in Tampa

Eh, apparently they were using themselves to bait for sharks

2009-07-14T13:38:00.000-07:00

Gotta love it. She falls over board, he dives in after her. Both shed their clothing and swim for the beach. Sounds like they were nude in the water already...

Two naked people come ashore at Fort De Soto

She's got a "pinky" and she's not afraid to use it.

2009-07-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

Now this is funny. Poked in the groin? Maybe she was trying to explore his backside.

Woman arrested for battery after poking boyfriend in the groin with her sex toy

To quote Fight Club: "Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo."

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang...

2009-07-02T06:45:00.001-07:00

Sad for this man's family...but this is the 4th self inflicted shooting at a range since April. What gives?

Man rents gun, kills self at shooting range

Man, that's a lot of garbage, and cats, and insanity...

2009-06-25T15:49:00.001-07:00

I can only imagine the stench...poor woman.

Dozens of neglected cats found in Valrico home of ailing senior

If it sounds like a duck, looks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it must be....quackery!

2009-06-22T07:07:00.000-07:00

Quack, quack, quack. I've seen a lot of ducks in Polk County (such as the rampant Muscovy), but I've never seen one quite like this.

Polk Sheriff: Couple Practiced 'Quackery'

Another Reason to Hate the Boy Scouts...

2009-06-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

Just in case their discriminatory ways aren't enough to make you hate them, here are some of Florida youth's finest (aka the Boy Scouts), up to some gosh-gee-wilkers, good old fashioned fun. Let me check...yep, I still despise this organization - glad to see they espouse "timeless values."

Group at Putnam Boy Scout camp accused of making boy drink urine

Garbage In, Garbage, um, Stays.

2009-06-11T06:09:00.000-07:00

Sunrise takes on owner of 'ugliest' house

My favorite quote:

"I like it this way," Daeder said proudly, like a king surveying his kingdom. "It keeps the Mormons away."

Now that's funny.

Vultures Waiting for People to Die.

2009-06-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

So maybe Vultures are pretty darn smart. Why else would they be hanging out in a retirement neighborhood in Florida??

Vultures Still Terrorizing Bartow Neighborhood

Soylent vulture food is peeeeoooooplllllee!

This Is Just Plain SSSSSS-silly.

2009-05-27T21:18:00.001-07:00

Well, more news on the ever expanding population of pythons that permeate south-western Florida. Soon, they'll out number snow birds.

Python Population Expected To Explode

Menage a Trois of sorts.

2009-05-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

Today's blog entry has three stories. All too good to pass up.

First up, "but my mom said it was OK" or "yet another Florida teacher sleeps with her student":

Mon said it was OK to sleep with my teacher

Next up, my question for this guy is not how he managed to get married twice, but who the heck would hire him as a preschool worker?

He lost track of wife No. 2

And finally, I'm thinking about making my son my personal chauffeur!

Police say dad had 12-year-old son drive him around while he drank, and they got into an accident

Occupied Burglary with a Vehicle

2009-05-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

"He wanted war, so I gave it to him"

Neighbor arreseted after declaring 'war'

I would love to drive a car through the wall of a house. Now that would be cool...

(NOTE: Truck pictured is for illustrative purposes and is not the same incident described in the article)

That's Not Junk, Man. That's Art.

2009-05-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

Alan Wayne Davis was just released from his third stay in five years in a Florida prison for littering his yard with what authorities call junk, and he calls art. (If only he knew how to spell "General.")

"You'd be surprised how many people want to steal scrap. But, man, once I make it into art, I can't give it away." -- Dean, Iron Giant

From the Orlando story:

Before he was sent to prison, he made a sculpture of a giant derriere and drove it to the Seminole County Courthouse.

He said today that he plans to make 42 more sculptures of the same thing and string them across his front yard.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/orl-bk-junk-man-released-052109,0,6420114.story

Crikey! Huge Lizards Attack! Ahhhhhh!

2009-05-21T06:27:00.001-07:00

Surely a leak from a local nuclear reactor is causing lizards of such gargantuan size to spread out across South Florida and invade military bases?!?!? Is this something straight out of a bad B-movie plot? No, says National Geographic....

When lizards go bad

What the?

2009-05-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

Who robs someone that is shopping in a Dollar Store?? Don't you go where the money is??

Dollar General Robbery

Queue Jaws Theme Music....

2009-05-19T07:01:00.001-07:00

We are going to need a bigger boat, er, state, er, surfboard. Whatever. For those who doubted my shark bite story, here you go:

Sharks Bite Three Surfers at New Smyrna Beach

Rogue Archaeologist Busted

2009-05-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

This would never happen to Indiana Jones. I bet he'd find the Fountain of Youth under this car dealership!

Prowler Tells Police He Was Digging For Artifacts

Another two-fer...my new hero.

2009-05-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

Capitalizing on someone's faith is always great fun. Take Orlando man Joshua Witter, avowed atheist, as a shining example. Joshua is a mail man of sorts...he's delivering mail to those "left behind" for God's chosen children, after the Rapture. I guess I should expect quite a few of these new type of "Christmas" cards...Maybe they even have one that plays Blondie's "Rapture" when it opens. Now that would be cool. Until the battery ran out. Then it would be no better than the numerous other rapture cards I received. Bummer.

After the Rapture: Orlando man will deliver messages to those left behind

Damn Commies, they're out to get the Catholics

2009-05-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

Well, everyone knows that the Communists are godless...why else would the Eisenhower administration be convinced to inject "under God" into the Pledge of Allegiance?? So, it should be of little surprise to anyone that the Cuban commie spies are out to get one humiliated Catholic priest in Miami...

Father Cutie suspects Cuban spies taped his affair

Good Lord! Two in one day.

2009-05-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

This ain't no monkey business.

Gravekeeper Sued Over Monkey's Resting Place

Woohoo! Our first story!

2009-05-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

Today's first story hails from my home town, Tampa. It seems a young lady decided to go to school sans panties to avoid having people see dreaded "panty lines" in her high school yearbook photos. But in the end, she exposed a bit more than she bargained for.

Revealing Photo Makes High School Yearbook

D'OH! Now, Moms is angry because the school won't destroy the yearbooks. Let this be a lesson to all you would be parents. Embarrassment is fine technique when teaching lifes lessons, such as always where your underwear on school picture days!